If I knew
by Lyra Soren
Summary: They were in love, not searching for it, not longing for it. Love found them and bind them together forever.


**Declaimer**: I don't own Prince of Tennis. If I had I would not have written this story.

**A/N:** This is pure fiction dedicated to all Pillar Pair fans. Warning this is a yaoi story so if you do not like such things click as soon as you see this BACK!

The song " _If I knew then_" by _Lady Antebellum_ was my choice and inspiration to write this story. Hope you like it and please review.

**Pairing**: _Tezuka x Ryoma_

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* * *

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**If I knew**

_Love only comes once in a while_

_Knocks on your door throws you a smile_

_Takes every breath, leaves every scar_

_Speaks to your soul and sings to your heart…_

_

* * *

_

Winter…

Small clouds of breath puff through the mist. Footsteps stutter slowly and steady on the sloppy snow. Eyes and brows are frozen with white elegant lines. Warm clothes are wrapped around shoulders and legs and once in a while a small smile brights features without his notice. This small smile reflects his preference for this season. Why exactly he likes it, beats him! Was it for the snowflakes , for his birthday, winter holiday? Or the occasional letter he receives from Germany from his boyfriend? The smile slowly turns into a Cherise's cat grin subtly as he makes his way to the post office quickening his steps, with the risk of falling now and again. '_ Kunimitsu will be scolding me for my carelessness. ' _He has not seen him for two years and really missed him.

'**Ryoma,**

_How have you been? Happy birthday, love! I have been eager to write to you, but waited to offer you at least this small present._

_Not much has changed since I wrote to you. The training program is strenuous and demanding, but nonetheless I am getting used to it by now. Ever since this morning has been snowing. The snowflakes pile slowly and while I am writing I feel like we are both looking at the same cherished view which brings us closer somehow._

_Although I am comfortably enjoying the warmth of the café from where I take my dinner everyday, I assume you will be reading my letter on a frigid morning, outside, in a park, ignoring the blizzard, the chill and your stiff frozen body…Ryoma…You will be careless and catch a cold most probably, but I know it will be pointless to constantly make you promise to me to be more careful._

_Did I miss you? Yes, I have missed you/miss you so much that my heart aches. All I have are memories that scorch me within every time I remember them, linger and nestle me so tight I can barely breathe. Despite being so aloof and formal on the surface, I am still a mere human on the inside. You know I would have come right away to you, but my shoulder injury prevents me from._

_I do not know how long will you wait for me, but I will not waver on my resolve, I will come back so rest assured. Ryoma…I admire your courage and determination. Right now I want your kisses back,above all, so we have to catch up._

_I love you, Ryoma! Please bear a little longer!_

_Yours forever,_

**_Kunimitsu'_**

It was an alleviation to know Tezuka had the time to write to him and did promise to hark back to him. But more importantly there has never been and never will be a real distance between them.

'_Will I be able to wait any longer? Che. If Kunimitsu promised he will come back, why doubt him? Kunimitsu…please hurry!'_

* * *

Tezuka was staring into space caught in thought. He was standing on the staircase of the training assessment. He wondered if Ryoma was already trowing his letter away. He was never good with words and in all likelihood never will be, however he wanted to soothe his lover. '_ Knowing Ryoma, he would be sad after reading it, so was it proper to give him this birthday present? Will he even bother to reply or had he forgotten about me? There was no reason for Ryoma to wait any longer. He could not even make it to his birthday!' _Albeit trying to convince himself of the futility of his usual stroll to the post office, his body knew otherwise. He found himself walking out of the it holding a letter in his left hand and smiling effortlessly and openly, as if he received news he won the U.S Open.

Tezuka lifted the missive to his lips and gave it a peck, gently leaning on a bench in a tennis court and began to read the messy writing on the paper:

**Kunimitsu…**

_You nerd! How can I not wait for you? You can be so dense sometimes! Of course I will wait to soundly defeat you on the courts for making me play this long against all weaklings! As for the kisses, you owe me already a thousand! I hope you will be prepared, in case I will have to come and drag you home with me! You are Mada Mada Dane, buchou!_

_You have no idea how many times I tried to convince myself you were not worth the wait and that I should just forget about you! But here I am! Still missing you like hell and loving you twice as much!_

_Forget to tell you, we just entered the semifinals, which will be held after the winter season, though I am certain you will not make it on time for the final either. Rest assured, I am not going to lose so we can go to the Nationals. Your dream, right, buchou?_

_Hope you are not overworking yourself! Please come back as soon as you can!_

_Love you,_

**_Ryoma'_**

Tezuka could imagine Ryoma smirking and putting his trade expression. Just six months left and he will be able to see his boyfriend.

* * *

Days passed…Months passed…

Seigaku won the Kntou Tournament and Kunimitsu has not returned yet from Germany. The Nationals came and gone, but no sign from Tezuka whatsoever. It has been seven months since Ryoma last heard from him. This was making him restless, what if something happened? Tezuka never specify the time when he was coming back and Ryoma just thought he would be fretting if he asked.

They won without his help, though he knew he encouraged them all along the way. It would have been different if he was there. Now that he won against Yukimura in the final, he had no idea what to do next.

Ryoma grew impatiently with every day that passed. He was running out of options. Maybe his teammates knew more.

It was a quarter to seven, and there was no one on the courts or club store room. He was practicing against a wall, masking his nervousness while burning inside. Oishi still has not arrived and he was between the only few people Tezuka was close to. He must know something more than him, he was sure.

"Echizen" Oishi greeted startling the boy and distracting him from his thoughts.

"Oishi…" Ryoma was still speechless trying to regain his composure.

"Is something the matter?" Oishi asked worriedly.

" Actually senpai, I would like to ask you something."

"Go ahead. What do you want to know. Is it related to Tezuka?" Oishi smiled and shifted a little at that.

"Ah…Yes. I was wondering if he said something to you about his returning?"Ryoma was flushed a little and was trying hard not to beg Oishi to give him the answer he needed.

"No, he has not. Though he gave me a message to pass to you." Oishi was as nervous and worried about Echizen. He knew quite well how much his kohai cared about Tezuka.

" What is it? Please senpai I want to know, has something happened to him?"

" He told me he was in France right now and was waiting for you. He wants you to leave as soon as possible."

"But why? What was he doing in France? " Ryoma could not believe his ears.

" I think you know better than me the answer to that question."Oishi said confident.

"Was he…? Che, I taught him well!" Ryoma said smirking.

" Well I must say he has lost his carefulness since he met you." Oishi could not contain himself not pointing this out.

"Mada Mada Dane" said Ryoma. " I will be skipping practice for a while, since he is in France, I must hurry, Roland Garros will be held a month from now, in May and I have to register."

"Yes, you may take the first airplane you can catch today. Good luck Echizen, and do not worry we will be all there cheering for both."

"Thanks, Oishi fukubuchou!" Said Ryoma waving his hand, turning to his straight face.

"Senpai, but how will I find him when I get there? " Ryoma said as he was jumping on his left leg.

" Right, here is his address" and handed Echizen a piece of paper. " Make sure not to lose it!"

"Don't worry senpai, I won't! Thanks again" and he was gone.

* * *

The regulars were gathered around Oishi at eight sharp only to gasp at the news their captain was delivering them.

" What! Echizen left to France? When? He could not have. Could not!" said Momoshiro.

"Ochibi left, nya, Oishi why didn't you tell me sooner?"Kikumaru was complaining while hugging Oishi.

"Saa.. I could have guessed something like this will happen!" Fuji admitted.

"Nya, Fujiko you knew?" Kikumaru shouted.

" Not entirely, but knowing Tezuka I was wondering when it will happen. I was not expecting it so soon."

"It was a chance of 81.50 % for Tezuka to turn pro immediately after healing his arm and 92.90 % for him to call Echizen to join him." said Inui writing furiously in his notebook.

"Taka take this" said Fuji holding a racket to Kawamura.

"BURNING!BABY! GOOD SHOT ECHIZEN! BEAT THEM ALL!" Said Taka. " I am sorry…" a without-racket Taka said.

"Fsshh… " was all Kaido said while turning all red.

* * *

Ryoma was home already packing his rackets and luggages for his trip to France. His oiaji was pestering him to give away already the reason for his actions.

" Seishonen, you cannot leave without telling me where you are going! And what is the rush?"

"Shut up, oiaji, I don't have time for your stupidity!"

"That hurt, you can't talk like that with your father! Oi I am talking to you! At least listen!"

"Later!"

"I am going to throw Karupin away since you will not cooperate!"

"Damn oiaji! I am going to France, glad?"

"France 0_o ? "

"Yes, France, I am going to participate to my first grand slam!"

"Oh, you are, aren't you?"

"You don't believe me? I'll prove it to you that I am going to beat you, when I come back!"

"Maji de?"

"Of course that is what I am telling you!"

"Ya ne!Come Karupin!"

Nanjiro could just stare at the back of his son in awe. Then he smirked and said: "He 's really growing up!"

* * *

It was a 13 hours flight from Japan to France on a distance of 6,051 miles, and he disliked flying. '_It better be worth it ! Kunimitsu.' _The flight was boring and he slept the most part of it. He was lucky to have Karupin with him, not in his cabin, of course, but in his cage, still it reassured him.

When he arrived in Paris it was still only 9 am and he was eager to arrive as quickly to Tezuka's address. He stopped a taxi and asked: " Excuse-moi, pouvez- vous s'il vous plaît me prandre à cette adresse?" The driver was as polite: " Bien sûr, je connais très bien la region."

"Je vous remercie." said Ryoma. Thank God Tezuka taught him several languages and how to be more polite!

They arrived in short. Ryoma paid the driver and walked away to look for the address. He found himself in front of a tall building, maybe a hotel and asked at the reception for room nr. 203-hashira. The receptionist told him it was at the second flour the third door on the left.

He walked as in a dream until he arrived in front of Tezuka's door, trembling a little in anticipation. He knocked on the door, a heart-beat…two…three…And suddenly the door flew open and Tezuka was standing right in front of him. He pinched himself to see if he was dreaming. He was not. He smiled.

"Hi, Tezuka!" he said almost breathless, not once looking away from those brown eyes.

"Ryoma…" Tezuka whispered almost inaudibly and dragged him inside.

As soon as the door was shut Tezuka kissed Ryoma so fiercely that he hit the door with his back. They could not conceal their longing, yearning, love for each other. It has been too long. So much desire suppressed, so many touches and words unsaid…It felt so good in Tezuka's arms. He was finally home.

* * *

Morning… Waking up sprawled on top of his Kunimitsu was like heaven. Tezuka was still asleep, and looked much younger without his glasses. He missed this. Tezuka's feather like touches, his incautious kisses, the way he lost control only with him…Their passionate love making….He leaned and kissed Tezuka gently on his forehead, his ear, his jaw and neck….Tezuka stirred a little, but refused to wake up. He was playing hard to get…Che…Ryoma tasted the skin of his chest, his nipple, and trailed butterfly kisses all over his abdomen to his navel and lower. At least he had a reaction. A soft groan was heard from Tezuka's throat. Ryoma was pulled up and stared straight in the eyes of his lover.

"Morning, Tezuka" . He adored his boyfriend for making him come all this way just to have him.

"Morning, Ryoma"

"You have some explaining to do!" Said Ryoma unsuccessful on making his voice sound more affected.

"Yeah, but how about we eat while I explain?" Tezuka was not trying to change the subject, he was only hungry, and his stomach was so ready to provide the evidence.

"I agree!" said Ryoma fully grinning.

"Actually there is not much to say. I just thought I was prepared for the challenge a grand slam provided. I took the first chance I had. I hope you understand why, and it is the same reason I asked you to come."

"Buchou…I also want to play a game against you. And I promise you to be in the final of the Roland Garros!"

"Thanks Ryoma for understanding."

* * *

Ryoma made his way to the other side of the table and sit on Tezuka's lap. His hands are on his hair and his mouth is deftly kissing Tezuka, slowly and lingering to make it last longer. Then lightly trace his tongue on Tezuka's lower lip requesting entrance. Tezuka granted access , the kiss deepening. At least nothing has changed. They were still good at kissing. They parted after the need for air was too great.

"You actually thought I would disagree and scold you for acting for the first time so careless. Dream on, Kunimitsu! There is no one who could tell you what to do especially since you are 21 !" Ryoma rolling his eyes..

"I suppose you have a point! I really missed having you around Ryoma!" Tezuka said drinking Ryoma's scent and caressing his soft dark-green hair.

"I bet you have!" And they kissed again and again, taking back everything they have lost.

Only one week was left until the opening of the tournament and Tezuka and Ryoma were playing matches, games, impossibly long tie –breaks, never getting enough of each other.

" Buchou, it's your serve! I lost track of the score was it 213-212 or more?" said Ryoma grinning and enjoying himself.

"I think this is the 99 game we play, I lost track as well" said Tezuka stretching and bending to serve the ball. It was another no touch ace. The beads of sweat were sliding across his body and the grip of his racket was enough to make the whole world disappear, leaving only the court with its bound and them- two men deeply in love with tennis and each other.

They knew no language other than tennis that offered them this intimacy and infinite possibilities of getting across a message. Through their serves and volleys, or drop shots they could tell how much they care for each other. Only by giving it all and receiving the same, they made themselves equal.

* * *

It was on an evening several days before the Open. They were strolling holding hands, fingers entwined and feeling comfortable within silence. The sun was warm, not burning, but gently stroking features, buildings, crystal clear water and drive ways. They were on a bridge and Tezuka suddenly stopped on his track and turned to face Ryoma. Their eyes were locked and their breaths caught.

"Ryoma do you know the name of this bridge?" It was a bridge over Sein , one of too many.

"I don't know, but I bet you do." said Ryoma looking closely at the names written on the locks.

"It is Pont des Arts. Do you know the legend behind it?"

" Stop stalling Kunimitsu, tell me already."

"It is said that lovers come here to swear their love, they fasten locks and engrave their initials on them and trow the key into Sein, saying that true love can only be parted only when one of them finds the key in the river between the thousands of similar ones thrown for centuries." Tezuka said while taking from his inside pocket a small padlock, engraved already with their initials.

"Kunimitsu…I never knew you were the romantic type." Ryoma was more than happy with this situation.

" Ryoma all this time I spent with and without you help me realize how much you mean to me and that I want to have you always near me no matter what. It has been almost three years since we last seen each other, but these three weeks had been more than enough to show me what I have missed all this time. It was hard to not have you in my arms again, it hurt everyday knowing that you were waiting and I could not ease your pain. I do not want that to happen again. Ryoma please grant me this wish and marry me." Tezuka knelt on one knee and was holding Ryoma's hand in his.

Ryoma scratched his head. He did not expect such a thing to happen to him, especially not there in a public place and not three days before the Opening.' _Has he heard wrong, or was Tezuka just mocking him_' On the second thought it was not such a bad idea at all.

Tezuka was waiting for his answer. He was wondering if he had gone too far, when he saw Ryoma lost in his train of thoughts. '_He was visibly confused and maybe, was that determination he saw in his eyes?'_

"Kunimitsu…Please let me say something first." His voice was steady after winning his inner battle between his reason and feelings , so he knew he had to do this. " God ,I have waited almost three years for you to finally show up, and with every day that passed I was falling deeper in love with you. You have no idea how it was to see your face everywhere, to hear your voice in every word that was uttered, to dream you were there with me, to remember everything so vividly like it was yesterday…And now you are here and I have never been this happy in my life. Of course I will marry you, my heart has been yours for years."

Tezuka hug him tight and hold him for what seemed forever. Their kiss was full of promises and feelings too meaningful to be put in simple words.

"This does not mean I will go easy on you when we face on the courts." said Ryoma while yawning , feeling sleepy.

"I never asked you to not give your very best while playing tennis. " answered equally relaxed Tezuka." We better return home." They were in love, not searching for it, not longing for it, it was love that found them and bind them forever.

If I hadn't met you,

I wouldn't like you.

If I didn't like you,

I wouldn't love you.

If I didn't love you,

I wouldn't miss you.

But I did,

I do, and I will.

* * *

Excuse-moi, pouvez- vous s'il vous plaît me prandre à cette adresse?" = Can you take me to this address, please?

Bien sûr, je connais très bien la region = Of course, I know the area quite well.

Je vous remercie = Thank you.

hashira = pillar

fukubuchou = vice captain

Maji de = Really, No kidding

Ya ne = Goodbye

oiaji = dad

seishonen = young man


End file.
